Last Night

I'm not sure what was wrong with me. Normally I just don't get angry or frustrated I just hold in the emotions until I vent it all out to someone but last night something in my head just snapped. I don't even have an excuse for it. Every thing that has been bugging me for months seemed to catch up and the smallest little moment set me off. By the end of the night my body was ready to shut down.

Mentally I was done. I've never thought so negative in my life. I wanted to quit. Not just work, everything. I wanted to lay down and never get up. Usually I always have a little spark of hope and positive thoughts to keep me upbeat but not last night. After I clocked out i was talking to Nicole and Shanade about my thoughts. I layed on the floor and evetually forced myself to go to my car.

I'm almost embarassed to admit that this happened to me. I'm stupid and selfish for letting that set me off too. It was so rude of me. That was seriously the worst attitude I have ever had. Normally those things just brush off but this one just got me going. I feel terrible about it now. I was a bitch.

I didn't snap out of it till half way through the first softball game. I have De to thank for that. I'm glad he showed me how stupid I was being. I can't believe I would be so backstabbing. But it wasn't just that, it was everything. I wanted to just redo my whole life. I couldn't take it anymore. All night I was constantly trying to surpress the thoughts but I couldn't. I knew the consequences of doing it would not be worth it. I had other people to think of first.

I'm not trying to whine, just simply explaining my actions although there is no excuse for the way I acted. It was irrational and childish. I'm really upset with myself more than anything now. Thankfully my frustration is gone and my anger subsided. I have to try to not bottle up my emotions so much anymore if this is how it's going to effect me. It's more dangerous than I thought.