Every summer since I came to America I've spent at least a week in Florida. As the years went on we gradually spent less time. We always satayed with Mema and Granddaddy. I remember when he died a part of her did too. Then her daughter passed a few years ago. That was a little rougher. Now she's spending nights in the hospital at the age of 93 and may not live to see my sister walk down the aisle. She's been there since Sunday night after being brought by an ambulance with a heart rate of 20. They wanted to give her a pace maker but have found out that would kill her immediatly. She doesn't want life support. She wants to spend her last days at home and with people she loves. Grandma is also in the hospital as well with multiple blood clots in her legs from the cancer. She will do anything to stay alive. She wants to be the voice for Mema when she is no longer of sound mind. The nurse asked my mom if she would be when she came down because my mom will do what Mema wants whereas Grandma will do whatever it takes to keep her alive, conscious or not.
It'll be the hardest thing for her to tell them not to help her. You're natural instinct is to keep someone you love alive. In one hand I'm sad for the future without her. On the other I'm so happy for her that she lived a long loving life and she will soon be in a better place. My sister dreamed Mema died on her wedding day. She's bringing a picture that I took of her in the wedding dress to her to give her hope and something to aim for. They think she only has a few weeks left if she's lucky. The hardest part is letting go. She won't yet but I know I need to start to. I may not be able to attend her funeral if it happens during this semester. I really hope she can hold on. She has the strength and the will. I've seen it in her eyes but I know her time is coming and she will have to let go.
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