That's what I'll be doing when I return from Georgia next weekend. I work 5-close Monday Tuesday and Wednesday of next week. That's rediculous. Especially when she knows that I leave Thursday for Georgia. And I believe my availibility reads that I can't work until 6 anyways. SHE IS SO STUPID!
When am I suppose to pack? I go to school in the morning practice 3-5 then work. Wow. I love my life. I can't take her stupidity and rudeness anymore. It's the most annoying thing ever. Go back to India. No one wants you here. I don't even care what I do as long as I get paid well and it doesn't have anything to do with Chuck E. Cheese.
I never even got the full raise she promised. Only half of it. That was back in like October. I'm so frustrated right now because I can't even go up and discuss my schedule with her because I might have strep and I can't work this weekend so if I show up there she's going to think I was lying. Which I'm not.
O yeah and I have and indoor game on monday at 10:30 (can't go to that now) and a softball doubleheader on Tuesday at 3. I have to be at my softball game. I already missed the one today and I'm missing all our spring break games. I feel terrible as it is for missing today when they already have two girls out with only 12 girls on the team. EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
I have a paper to write, a speech to finish, a test to study for, a trip to pack for, and 28 more hoours of student teaching to finish. My life does not revolve around Chuck E. Cheese like it does for her. I plan on doing something with my life. I don't plan on being a general manager of a Chuck E. Cheese store when I grow up. Nor do I plan on marrying another GM from another Chuck E. Cheese store. I have greater ambitions in life.
The only thing that has kept me from quitting are my friends. I love the people I work with and I have fun when I'm working with the other managers. BUT YOU SUCK!!! I have never liked you! You talk about how now I have warmed up to you from when you first started but I still hate you I just play my part well. The only reason i'm nice to you is so that I get good hours and a bigger pay check.
Good luck finding another worker out there who will put up with as much bullshit as I have. I only did it because I was too afraid to go find another job. I hope more people quit too so you get royally screwed. I guess I could work at one of the other cecs that I have offered me a job but I don't feel like making a long drive to work like you do everyday. You may like it but I have better things that I could do with an hour of my day.
If I didn't want a good recomendation from her I would tell her exactly what I thought but I actually want to get a good job. I'm not sure where I'll go yet but I have time to figure that out.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
If I Could...
I would live on a remote tropical island. I would live in a bamboo hut with a grass roof. It wouldn't be anything special. It would be right near the tree line but still on the beach far enough away from the tide. Or maybe I would have a tree house like the Swiss Family Robinson. There would be a hammock hanging between two palm trees on the beach so I could lay around a read or nap. There would be no electricity. I would fish and learn to hunt for my food. No clocks. No television. No phones. No lights. Except the moon and stars and a fire.
I guess I would want maybe two other humans there with me. But they would have to be amazing. I wouldn't want annoying stupid people on my island. We wouldn't live near eachother either but close enough for a little human interaction.
A dog would be neccessary. Then I wouldn't have to completely depend on humans for a social life. His name would be lucky. I don't know what breed he would be but it would have to weigh more than five pounds and I would want to raise him from when he was a puppy. Maybe a horse too so I could ride along the beach and through the woods. A nice big white horse named prince.
Swimming, surfing (I would have to learn first), hiking, running, reading. Sounds great to me.
No stress and no worries. Everything would be carefree and easy. Do what you want when you want. You would keep track of time by the sun. I really wouldn't miss much either. I could do without all the excess technology that only makes life harder not easier. All the people that are annoying. But there are two people who wouldn't annoy me enough to be on the same island with the rest of my life.
I won't tell you who though :)
I guess I would want maybe two other humans there with me. But they would have to be amazing. I wouldn't want annoying stupid people on my island. We wouldn't live near eachother either but close enough for a little human interaction.
A dog would be neccessary. Then I wouldn't have to completely depend on humans for a social life. His name would be lucky. I don't know what breed he would be but it would have to weigh more than five pounds and I would want to raise him from when he was a puppy. Maybe a horse too so I could ride along the beach and through the woods. A nice big white horse named prince.
Swimming, surfing (I would have to learn first), hiking, running, reading. Sounds great to me.
No stress and no worries. Everything would be carefree and easy. Do what you want when you want. You would keep track of time by the sun. I really wouldn't miss much either. I could do without all the excess technology that only makes life harder not easier. All the people that are annoying. But there are two people who wouldn't annoy me enough to be on the same island with the rest of my life.
I won't tell you who though :)
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Really?
So for those that don't know I am playing softball for the college now. I'm thinking that I shouldn't have done that though. The team is a joke. I stood for two hours and did nothing. Occasionally a ball was hit and we would all run for it but other than that we did nothing. I'm pretty sure I could have played just as well if i was asleep. They don't even run full laps for a warm up. The high school gym class i student teach does more physical activity than we did!
No wonder this team is terrible. They don't push themselves. I want a challenge. I want room for improvement. They seem to be content with where they are. Even for me, as lazy as I am, it was so hard to just stand there and do nothing. I may not get better but at least I try. I attempt to get better and if you saw this team you would see very little effort. There is talent don't get me wrong. We have a good pitcher and the catchers equally skilled. Maybe I just haven't seen them in action yet. But if today was more activity than normal maybe I will be able to catch up on some much needed sleep.
Also I'd like to know why a majority of softball girls are fat and unathletic. I swear they make the sport an even bigger joke. If they aren't fat then they are really girly and don't look anything like an athlete because they try to dress all slutty for practice. They worst is he combination of the two though. I really don't want to see that running. It's gross. I don't even wear those tight shirts and I have a decent body for it(not trying to brag or anything I'm just saying that I'm skinny).
I don't know how much fun going to Georgia with them in a week is going to be either. They don't seem like the funnest crowd ever and Jourdan can get annoying. A 10 hour bus ride with that. WOO! Can't wait. That's why God invented the ipod though.
I love the sport though. That's why I decided to play. Yeah the money had something to do with it but it's also because I'm not ready for my athletic career to be over. All through my senior and junior year I hated sports because my coaches were crap. I ended up not playing softball my senior year which i don't regret. I probably would have gotten suspended for punching the third baseman if I had played anyways.
So yeah sorry if that was boring. I was only writing for my sake. I was procrastinating too. Time to finish my paper. If you have any tips on how to break up with someone without hurting their feelings tell me. It would really help. I tend to always crush the boys heart when I break up with them.
No wonder this team is terrible. They don't push themselves. I want a challenge. I want room for improvement. They seem to be content with where they are. Even for me, as lazy as I am, it was so hard to just stand there and do nothing. I may not get better but at least I try. I attempt to get better and if you saw this team you would see very little effort. There is talent don't get me wrong. We have a good pitcher and the catchers equally skilled. Maybe I just haven't seen them in action yet. But if today was more activity than normal maybe I will be able to catch up on some much needed sleep.
Also I'd like to know why a majority of softball girls are fat and unathletic. I swear they make the sport an even bigger joke. If they aren't fat then they are really girly and don't look anything like an athlete because they try to dress all slutty for practice. They worst is he combination of the two though. I really don't want to see that running. It's gross. I don't even wear those tight shirts and I have a decent body for it(not trying to brag or anything I'm just saying that I'm skinny).
I don't know how much fun going to Georgia with them in a week is going to be either. They don't seem like the funnest crowd ever and Jourdan can get annoying. A 10 hour bus ride with that. WOO! Can't wait. That's why God invented the ipod though.
I love the sport though. That's why I decided to play. Yeah the money had something to do with it but it's also because I'm not ready for my athletic career to be over. All through my senior and junior year I hated sports because my coaches were crap. I ended up not playing softball my senior year which i don't regret. I probably would have gotten suspended for punching the third baseman if I had played anyways.
So yeah sorry if that was boring. I was only writing for my sake. I was procrastinating too. Time to finish my paper. If you have any tips on how to break up with someone without hurting their feelings tell me. It would really help. I tend to always crush the boys heart when I break up with them.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Misery loves company
I think you like to see me miserable.
I think you enjoy the look of agonizing pain I give you everytime you say it.
I think you hate the fact that I have control.
I think you hate the fact that I enjoy my life more than you enjoyed yours.
I think you're jealous.
I think you hate the fact that I'm not your puppet anymore.
I think you're blinded by your own fantasy.
I think you see the similarities and it scares you.
I think you hate that for once I'm not sitting at home every weekend wondering what it likes to go out.
I think you've been looking for a reason from the start.
I think you're lucky I have self control.
I think you know I depend on you still and you use that to your advantage.
I think you jump to conclusions too fast.
I think I've lost my trust in you just as much as you have in me.
I think you've lost me and you know it.
I think you've pushed me so far that I can't turn back.
I think we're never going to be the same ever again.
I think you have fogged up your own vision.
I think you want me to blow up.
I don't think you realize that you could have prevented this.
I think you enjoy the look of agonizing pain I give you everytime you say it.
I think you hate the fact that I have control.
I think you hate the fact that I enjoy my life more than you enjoyed yours.
I think you're jealous.
I think you hate the fact that I'm not your puppet anymore.
I think you're blinded by your own fantasy.
I think you see the similarities and it scares you.
I think you hate that for once I'm not sitting at home every weekend wondering what it likes to go out.
I think you've been looking for a reason from the start.
I think you're lucky I have self control.
I think you know I depend on you still and you use that to your advantage.
I think you jump to conclusions too fast.
I think I've lost my trust in you just as much as you have in me.
I think you've lost me and you know it.
I think you've pushed me so far that I can't turn back.
I think we're never going to be the same ever again.
I think you have fogged up your own vision.
I think you want me to blow up.
I don't think you realize that you could have prevented this.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Rambling
I'm beginning to think working at Chuck E Cheese is bad for my health. I hit my head, actually it was more like I viciously attacked the lamp last thursday and it still hurts to touch my forehead. It didn't help that I had also hit my head earlier playing badminton in moccasins. Then Friday Becca thought it would be funny to jump up as high as we could to scare another(now former) employee not realizing that the lamps were right above us. So my head feels fabulous since now there is a whole new mountain range cropping up on it. I just thought everyone should know just how stupid we really are at cec. I'm think we're going to hit a record of being on the news soon.
So I guess what I'm getting at is that this was not one of my best weekends. I've been in an odd mood and bit people's heads off and I don't know what's wrong with me. I can normally brush something off but for some reason I took everything way too seriously the past few days. Maybe everything that has been building up just needed to some out. The worst part is that I think stuff and I want to say it to those people but I know if I do in that state that I will regret it and hurt them so I don't talk to those people. I make them stay away not because I don't want them around but becasue I need them to let me calm down so I can gather my thoughts.
Then on top of that my mom decided she wanted to yell at me all weekend again but that's become a little bit of a routine for us lately. I wish she would stop being rude because it's not working for her. She always complains about not wanting to lose another daughter but what she doesn't realize is that she's pushing me away more and more everyday. I have a great family don't get me wrong. I know there are people that have it so much worse than me and I know it's kinda my fault this happened. I've realized that my parents aren't who I thought they were a few months ago. They've changed. I've changed.
I recently talked to a girl who was a year ahead of me in high school. We played soccer together and had some classes as well. She said I was a completely different person than she remembered. I looked totally different. We talked for a while and she explained how I finally looked like a girl not like that freshman that she remembered with the huge shirts that had the stupid sayings on them. I walked with confidence. I don't remember everything she said but it just took me by surprise. I knew I had changed but was it really that much of a change? Another friend described how much I had changed since the fall and that one was pretty drastic but I think she was exagerating out of anger and frustration.
So this was really just me rambling about everything and procrastinating writing two papers. I'm suppose to stop procrastinating as a stress reliever in health. I don't know how well that's going to go. I'm trying though.
So I guess what I'm getting at is that this was not one of my best weekends. I've been in an odd mood and bit people's heads off and I don't know what's wrong with me. I can normally brush something off but for some reason I took everything way too seriously the past few days. Maybe everything that has been building up just needed to some out. The worst part is that I think stuff and I want to say it to those people but I know if I do in that state that I will regret it and hurt them so I don't talk to those people. I make them stay away not because I don't want them around but becasue I need them to let me calm down so I can gather my thoughts.
Then on top of that my mom decided she wanted to yell at me all weekend again but that's become a little bit of a routine for us lately. I wish she would stop being rude because it's not working for her. She always complains about not wanting to lose another daughter but what she doesn't realize is that she's pushing me away more and more everyday. I have a great family don't get me wrong. I know there are people that have it so much worse than me and I know it's kinda my fault this happened. I've realized that my parents aren't who I thought they were a few months ago. They've changed. I've changed.
I recently talked to a girl who was a year ahead of me in high school. We played soccer together and had some classes as well. She said I was a completely different person than she remembered. I looked totally different. We talked for a while and she explained how I finally looked like a girl not like that freshman that she remembered with the huge shirts that had the stupid sayings on them. I walked with confidence. I don't remember everything she said but it just took me by surprise. I knew I had changed but was it really that much of a change? Another friend described how much I had changed since the fall and that one was pretty drastic but I think she was exagerating out of anger and frustration.
So this was really just me rambling about everything and procrastinating writing two papers. I'm suppose to stop procrastinating as a stress reliever in health. I don't know how well that's going to go. I'm trying though.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Instincts
My natural instincts at the moment are telling me to run. I've gotten in too deep. I've made connections and that is what I always knew not to do. That wall that most people built to keep people out I was born with. When you know you're going to lose everything that you know every two years it's natural. I had great friends growing up though. Nic was my best friend ever. I love the picture I have with him when we're walking in a parade at the start of soccer season and we're waving up at our moms smiling. We were 6 years old.
I've come to realize though that even at that age I didn't let anyone in. No one has ever known the real me. Kara, Penny, Matt, AJ, Sam, Cindy, Patricia, and Nathaniel. They only knew the fake half of me. The part that puts on a facade to the outside world because I'm to weak to get emotionally attached to anyone and then leave them or have them leave me.
I'd like to think I'm getting better at this as I stay in one place and realize that not everyone is going to leave me but I can't help but feel uneasy about letting someone know who I really am. I pretend to not care when I care the most. I don't show when I care because that would be letting someone know that I am attached to them or even worse admitting to myself that I have broken my cardinal rule of life. I never looked back when we left. The car would be packed and we would leave at four in the morning and I would never glance out the back window until we were out of the state. Glancing back would have meant that I didn't want to leave and I never wanted that glance to be my last memory. My last memory was always standing in my room looking out my window then walking straight out the front door and never looking back.
I wish I could show the real me but I'm afraid. I'm scared that I won't be liked or even worse that I will and then I'll be left behind. Hopefully one day I'll be able to let someone in when I trust them enough.
I've come to realize though that even at that age I didn't let anyone in. No one has ever known the real me. Kara, Penny, Matt, AJ, Sam, Cindy, Patricia, and Nathaniel. They only knew the fake half of me. The part that puts on a facade to the outside world because I'm to weak to get emotionally attached to anyone and then leave them or have them leave me.
I'd like to think I'm getting better at this as I stay in one place and realize that not everyone is going to leave me but I can't help but feel uneasy about letting someone know who I really am. I pretend to not care when I care the most. I don't show when I care because that would be letting someone know that I am attached to them or even worse admitting to myself that I have broken my cardinal rule of life. I never looked back when we left. The car would be packed and we would leave at four in the morning and I would never glance out the back window until we were out of the state. Glancing back would have meant that I didn't want to leave and I never wanted that glance to be my last memory. My last memory was always standing in my room looking out my window then walking straight out the front door and never looking back.
I wish I could show the real me but I'm afraid. I'm scared that I won't be liked or even worse that I will and then I'll be left behind. Hopefully one day I'll be able to let someone in when I trust them enough.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
It's lame I know
So somehow I'm amazing at badminton. Either that or the other people in the class just suck really bad. I don't understand how I play this sport for two days and I'm already set to play the teacher who has been playing forever but sports that I've been playing since I could walk I am somehow getting worse at. When I play though I either smash the person or I make a really good come back. I played one girl twice (she looked more like a man though) I killed her 1-11 in the first match so she challenged me to a rematch. I was losing 2-9 when I came back to win 11-9. Then I beat some dork 11-1.
Now I'm not even Cortney anymore I'm the badminton girl in his health class. That gave me some great looks when he said that to the entire class. Thank goodness he doesn't remember having my mom as a student. He has me teaching the rules to kids too. I don't even know the rules very well but yet I have to explain them to the new people.
Ok so it sounds like I'm bragging but i'm totally not trying to. If I was going to brag about something it would something way cooler than playing badminton. I did throw my raquet across the court though. It slipped out of my hands but the only one that saw was the girl I was playing so it too embarrassing. And the shuttle hit me in the face too. I'm not sure how many people saw that one though.
On another note I don't understand why people don't understand the word no. When I say no and I say that you're not going to be able to change my mind stop asking and bringing it up. Especially if you're not really in the position to be asking for it. It's getting on my nerves and making me angry.
Now I'm not even Cortney anymore I'm the badminton girl in his health class. That gave me some great looks when he said that to the entire class. Thank goodness he doesn't remember having my mom as a student. He has me teaching the rules to kids too. I don't even know the rules very well but yet I have to explain them to the new people.
Ok so it sounds like I'm bragging but i'm totally not trying to. If I was going to brag about something it would something way cooler than playing badminton. I did throw my raquet across the court though. It slipped out of my hands but the only one that saw was the girl I was playing so it too embarrassing. And the shuttle hit me in the face too. I'm not sure how many people saw that one though.
On another note I don't understand why people don't understand the word no. When I say no and I say that you're not going to be able to change my mind stop asking and bringing it up. Especially if you're not really in the position to be asking for it. It's getting on my nerves and making me angry.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I gave in
So I was told I needed to start one so here it is. My life isn't the most amusing thing to read about but I'm just kinda hoping that this will help me vent a little and arrange my thoughts. Right now I'm busy watching Aladin and I just got done with the fox and the hound. I don't know why but I'm in a major disney mood right now. I think it's because disney movies make me feel like a kid and when I was a kid my life was so much simplier than it is now. I didn't have to fight with my parents all the time about our different opinions on my social life and I didn't get yelled at everyday about stuff that's not even my fault. I liked it better when my parents weren't always stressed out because they involve themselves in too many activities at once and then blame the house being a mess on me.
My mom has her opinions and she wants me to have the same ones. Too bad our opinions collide like two trains going full speed down the same track without brakes. She doesn't know how to forget. I get reminded every other day of what I did. I don't understand how she can't see that by bringing it up she only hurts me more. It's not something that I'm going to ever forget in my lifetime. It's causing me to grow away from my family though. They are pushing me one way and I'm steadily pulling myself away and I'm not really sure where I'm going to fall in the process. Maybe I'll learn to stand on my own feet for once or maybe I'll find someone who is willing to catch me. I would like to think I know who to trust and what to do but I'm only 19 and I know I'll make more and worse mistakes than I already have. The only thing I can do is learn from them. I can't promise to be that perfect daughter that I once was because that would be living the life they want for me like i did for 18 years. I'm ready for it to be my life.
My mom has her opinions and she wants me to have the same ones. Too bad our opinions collide like two trains going full speed down the same track without brakes. She doesn't know how to forget. I get reminded every other day of what I did. I don't understand how she can't see that by bringing it up she only hurts me more. It's not something that I'm going to ever forget in my lifetime. It's causing me to grow away from my family though. They are pushing me one way and I'm steadily pulling myself away and I'm not really sure where I'm going to fall in the process. Maybe I'll learn to stand on my own feet for once or maybe I'll find someone who is willing to catch me. I would like to think I know who to trust and what to do but I'm only 19 and I know I'll make more and worse mistakes than I already have. The only thing I can do is learn from them. I can't promise to be that perfect daughter that I once was because that would be living the life they want for me like i did for 18 years. I'm ready for it to be my life.
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