I'm Back

The women in my family are psychotic. They seriously seem to try to do everything they can to manipulate and destroy each others lives just to make themselves feel better. You may be dying but I don't feel the least bit sorry for you. You've never been there for me unless it would benefit you in the end. That hurts. I may say that it doesn't but truthfully I know what I missed out on. I know that you suck at being a grandmother. I never noticed it before but now I see it. The only reason I got your car is so I would feel obligated to call you and go with you to Texas if need be. The only reason you're sending me money for boots is so you feel better about yourself and maybe God will think that your such a great person and will decide that you don't deserve to die. WAKE UP! People have it so much worse than you. You have lived a long life. I'm not saying give up but seriously I have no pity for you because you're doing nothing to help yourself. Sitting on a couch all day and pigging out is not going help you survive this.

You make me so angry. You could have some visited. You could have spent time with family and friends. I don't even know who you are. I've known my ex-boyfriends grandparents better than you and they treated me more like a granddaughter than you ever did. I know that sounds harsh but it's the truth. Love without strings. That what I never got from you in the last 19 years.

Then there's mom. Oh if I could only say everything I wanted to. She promised she wouldn't turn into her mother but I see it happening daily. She wonders where I get my anger problems from and yells at me for drinking a few times when she has the worst anger problems in the family and partied her heart out in high school. Oh yeah and she got pulled over by a cop at 16 drunk and argued with him when he tried to give her a ticket. But of course if I was to tell her that I got pulled over for doing 49 in a 40 but recieved only a warning I would get yelled at for a month. Wow what a hypocrite.

I don't want to head down this path. It seems to be a trend though. Even my Great-grandmother is like this. Both sides of my family have women with this attitude. I feel like it's going to happen though. I'm going to end up not caring about those around me and focus on what will help me only no matter what the repercussions are for everyone else.

I'm not going to give in to that though. They say I care too much. Well I'd rather care too much and get screwed over than end up like them. I have lost all respect for them. Unlike her I'm not afraid to die. She is so scared. I don't want to yet but I know that I wouldn't have changed much at least not recently. I'm satisfied with my life so far. It's sad that she's spending her last year worried about death. If you're going to die eventually you might as well not worry about it. You can't stop it. The best you can do is make sure you've done everything you wanted to and that those who you love know it. Make sure they know how much they mean to you. You keep telling me you're going to do things later.

Why wait?