Homework? On Spring Break? What the heck?

I'm spending the day with my Grandma and my great grandma who I call Mema. Grandma was suppose to pick me up at 9 but I got a call around 9:30 with her apologizing for being late. She recieved a call from Johns Hopkins telling her that her cancer was too far along and had spread too far that there was no point in operating. So she calls my mom tells her the news and come over to get me. When I get to Mema's house Grandma shows me the whole routine they go through every morning with Mema. They have to wigh her, check her blood sugar levels, and blood pressure. After that she recieves all of her morning pills.

Mema is losing her hearing and her sight. She can barely see anything. It's hard for me to talk to her because I mumble so I have to talk so much louder than normal so she can hear me. Grandma left the room for a few minutes and Mema took the moment to tell me that she was afraid. I was expecting her to tell me that she was scared of dying or something of that level. She's scared for her daughter. Mema said she doesn't like to watch Grandma go through this and she doesn't know what's going to happen to her now that she can't get the operation. All I could do was sit there and look at her. She was looking at the floor. Mema's 93. She's outlived her husband and her other daughter. I don't know what will happen if she outlives the other one.

She asked me about any boys in my life. I told her I broke up with the last one and she responded with a smile. "Good for you. You're young don't rush into anything. There will always be another boy but you have other things you should focus on. Have fun and wait for the man who will sweep you off your feet. Don't you settle for anything less now."

I'm sorry. I would love to tell you who I like. I really would but I know what would happen after I did. You would laugh and think I was joking and I would feel stupid. So instead I choose to ignore these feelings and hope they go away. You're fight, I'm flight. That's just how it is. There's other reasons too but I don't think you want to hear about that. It's irrational and I know it but I can't shake the fear.

Time for a good southern lunch. I think I got my accent back too. Call me if you want a good laugh.