I had a chance

I turned it down. She asked me to tell her my thoughts. I couldn't do it. I froze.
Why?
I've been waiting for that chance for so long and when it came I couldn't do it. I'm so stupid!
She gave me an ultimatum too. It was a pretty crappy thing for her to make me choose between. Basically I'm never earning my trust back because I don't like door 1. Door 1 involves me turning my back on everything. I would get my credibility back without any question with that door.
I told her I couldn't. She said "Fine then, screw up your life," then turned her back on me.
I wish she could just experience one day of my life.
Then maybe she would understand.