I should be getting my money soon that Mema left me. It's a pretty good amount. I'm using a piece of it to buy myself a mac. It will barely put a dent in it. I plan on putting most of it away for a few while but I'll keep some out for myself. I thought about getting a new car but the one I have is fine for now so I'll wait a few years. I really just want a laptop. To tell you the truth I'd rather not have the money. I don't need money. I'd rather live poor for my whole life and have great people around me than lots of money and people who are superficial. Those who care will always be around no matter what happens and those who leave the second it gets tough aren't worth my time.
I'm still talking to Jon but I'm not sure if it would be good for us to actually date. In September he's leaving for Ft. Huachuca, Arizona for training and then he's going to Kuwait for a while. Of course we would have to make it to that point but I'm just thinking ahead.
O yeah I broke my wrist again. This time I know what I was doing though. And Nick Hartzell showed up outiside my house at 1 in the morning drunk texting me he wanted to come over and he wanted me. He's getting really weird cuz I've never told him where I live. So weird.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
One Day
everything will just fall into place. I thought it had before but now looking back I see they hadn't. Mind you I know it takes some effort but I feel some piecing falling into place over the past couple days. Sometimes you search so hard for what you want you don't realize it was in your hands the whole time.
That's just my thoughts for the day. I'd also like to point out that boys can be ridiculous. I stopped talking to Hartzell a while ago and now I can't get on facebook without him messaging me something along the lines of "hey baby girl". Sorry to break to him but I'm not his baby girl. I feel bad that he thinks I still like him. Too bad I'm taken now. That's what you get when you wait too long. You should never waste time with someone you care about, they may not be waiting for you when you get back.
That's just my thoughts for the day. I'd also like to point out that boys can be ridiculous. I stopped talking to Hartzell a while ago and now I can't get on facebook without him messaging me something along the lines of "hey baby girl". Sorry to break to him but I'm not his baby girl. I feel bad that he thinks I still like him. Too bad I'm taken now. That's what you get when you wait too long. You should never waste time with someone you care about, they may not be waiting for you when you get back.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Darkness
Lately I've been in a huge slump. It's probably the worst I've ever felt. So many things have gone wrong lately and trying to handle them all at once has become chaos. I know what I should be focusing on and what should be important but my wants don't mirror that. I wish I knew what people were thinking. That's what always stops me. I don't know how someone will react or if it's what they really want. I feel like a piece of me is missing. I don't know where it is. I don't know how to get it back.
On another note it's been a year since I've been in a relationship (well to get technical it will be a year May 31). Tonight I'm going to the movies with Jon who I dated in high school and we hung out back in January. Yesterday Nick asked me out too but I had to work. I probably would have said no anyways. If he wants a second chance he'll have to work a lot harder. Plus I have friends who don't think very highly of him so I wouldn't want to upset them by going out with him. Boys aren't worth ruining a friendship no matter who they are.
On another note it's been a year since I've been in a relationship (well to get technical it will be a year May 31). Tonight I'm going to the movies with Jon who I dated in high school and we hung out back in January. Yesterday Nick asked me out too but I had to work. I probably would have said no anyways. If he wants a second chance he'll have to work a lot harder. Plus I have friends who don't think very highly of him so I wouldn't want to upset them by going out with him. Boys aren't worth ruining a friendship no matter who they are.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
God must hate me.
My aunt passed away yesterday. What's next? What else am I going to lose? I don't know what to do anymore. No matter what I do something always goes wrong. Life sucks.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
A few bumps along the way but we all made it.
Yesterday was my older sister's wedding in Florida. I just got back today. I was the Maid of honor and let me tell you that has got to be the most stressful thing ever. I had to make sure everything was going according to plan and if it wasn't I kept it a secret from Tori until it was fixed. We woke up at six in the morning and when our cousin Elizabeth arrived at the house a little after seven thirty we took off for the garden center where the reception was going to be. About five minutes down the road we realized we'd forgotten all the linens for the tables. Once at the garden center we start putting table cloths on and setting up the cakes.
Now we leave for the chuch which is five minutes down the road and my parents stay and wait for the boys to show up and the chairs which are late. Once at the church we start doing hair. All the bridesmaids got done and the boys arted arriving and Craig (the groom) tells me that the caterer never showed up. It is now 12:30 and she was suppose to be there at 11:30. Tori tells me and Elizabeth to go to the garden center to see whats happening. Now is when it got real fun. We get there and there is suppose to be one fish in each vase. We don't see any fish. I start examing the first vase. The fish is on the bottom. After inspecting all 14 we find 4 are dead. The guys did not let them adjust to the water. I call Craig who tells his mpom, Pam, who heads to the fish store and ends up buying 100 more fish. By the time she gets back only 4 of the original 14 are alive.
It's 1:30 now and the ceremony starts at 3. The DJ has showed up but the caterer has still not arrived. Elizabeth and I have to leave because pictures were suppose to start at 1 and we are not dressed and Tori can't get dressed without us. We show up and tell everyone that our cover story is that we were waiting for someone to show up so the place wasn't unlocked and empty. Pam ends up arriving in the middle of pictures which was fine because she wasn't in them. It was just nerve racking.
The ceremony starts and the church is packed. Everything goes well. Amazingly I did not trip. We take family pictures after in the church and bridal party pictures outside the reception. They are going to look amazing. The fish are all alive once we walk in and then we eat and talk and just relax for a little. Then the first dances start. They were wonderful. After some fun dancing it's time to throw the boucquet. All the girls are standing there. I'm in the front and I'm thinking Tori's going to chuck it. She throws it like three feet behind her and I run forward with a couple of girls and use my amazing outfield skills to catch it. Everyone cheers. Then Gio catches the garder. From my past experiences you tke a picture of those two and you're done. The DJ had me sit in a chair and Gio put the garder on my leg. My Dad was right in fron taking pictures. We got some good pictures though. After the reception everyone told me that my Granny was telling everyone how me and Gio were flirting and hanging all over each other at the rehearsal dinner the night before which is a load of bull because I was with Michael most of the night. Apparently me and Gio make a cute couple though. His mom told me to wait to get married till he gets a good job.
Haha over all it was a great time. I'm glad it's over with though. Weddings are beautiful but just as stressful.
Now we leave for the chuch which is five minutes down the road and my parents stay and wait for the boys to show up and the chairs which are late. Once at the church we start doing hair. All the bridesmaids got done and the boys arted arriving and Craig (the groom) tells me that the caterer never showed up. It is now 12:30 and she was suppose to be there at 11:30. Tori tells me and Elizabeth to go to the garden center to see whats happening. Now is when it got real fun. We get there and there is suppose to be one fish in each vase. We don't see any fish. I start examing the first vase. The fish is on the bottom. After inspecting all 14 we find 4 are dead. The guys did not let them adjust to the water. I call Craig who tells his mpom, Pam, who heads to the fish store and ends up buying 100 more fish. By the time she gets back only 4 of the original 14 are alive.
It's 1:30 now and the ceremony starts at 3. The DJ has showed up but the caterer has still not arrived. Elizabeth and I have to leave because pictures were suppose to start at 1 and we are not dressed and Tori can't get dressed without us. We show up and tell everyone that our cover story is that we were waiting for someone to show up so the place wasn't unlocked and empty. Pam ends up arriving in the middle of pictures which was fine because she wasn't in them. It was just nerve racking.
The ceremony starts and the church is packed. Everything goes well. Amazingly I did not trip. We take family pictures after in the church and bridal party pictures outside the reception. They are going to look amazing. The fish are all alive once we walk in and then we eat and talk and just relax for a little. Then the first dances start. They were wonderful. After some fun dancing it's time to throw the boucquet. All the girls are standing there. I'm in the front and I'm thinking Tori's going to chuck it. She throws it like three feet behind her and I run forward with a couple of girls and use my amazing outfield skills to catch it. Everyone cheers. Then Gio catches the garder. From my past experiences you tke a picture of those two and you're done. The DJ had me sit in a chair and Gio put the garder on my leg. My Dad was right in fron taking pictures. We got some good pictures though. After the reception everyone told me that my Granny was telling everyone how me and Gio were flirting and hanging all over each other at the rehearsal dinner the night before which is a load of bull because I was with Michael most of the night. Apparently me and Gio make a cute couple though. His mom told me to wait to get married till he gets a good job.
Haha over all it was a great time. I'm glad it's over with though. Weddings are beautiful but just as stressful.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
I look like a lobster
I got sunburn at the beach the other day. I never get sunburn. I'm pretty angry at myself for letting this happen because I'm wearinga strapless dress saturday and it wouldn't be too bad except it's my sister's wedding and I'm the maid of honor.
Other than that I'm pretty much having a good time down here. I have found out a lot though. Now that I'm 19 they feel I'm allowed to know all our families secrets. I'll tell you the whole soap opera later when I have more time. I'm doing some wedding errands right now. I'm going to get my nails done tomorrow then rehearsal starts at 5 at the church then the dinner is a peg leg pete's on the beach when we get done. Saturday morning we have to be at the garden center at 8am to sat up then we start hair at 10 and pictures start around 130. The wedding will begin at 3. After a limo will take the bridal party and groomsmen to the reception where I will first dance with Matt then Gio still has one dance requested and Michael will most likely steal the rest. Busy busy busy.
Other than that I'm pretty much having a good time down here. I have found out a lot though. Now that I'm 19 they feel I'm allowed to know all our families secrets. I'll tell you the whole soap opera later when I have more time. I'm doing some wedding errands right now. I'm going to get my nails done tomorrow then rehearsal starts at 5 at the church then the dinner is a peg leg pete's on the beach when we get done. Saturday morning we have to be at the garden center at 8am to sat up then we start hair at 10 and pictures start around 130. The wedding will begin at 3. After a limo will take the bridal party and groomsmen to the reception where I will first dance with Matt then Gio still has one dance requested and Michael will most likely steal the rest. Busy busy busy.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
I Can Tell I Don't Belong Anymore
I'm a terrible friend. Probably one of the worst. I have my good moments but as a whole I'm horrible. I guess one reason is because I'm not a planner so I don't ask people to hang out. I feel like I'm bugging people too if I ask. That's why I don't start a text conversation with people because I don't want to bother them. If you text me I don't mind. I enjoy it actually. I want to talk especially this week because I'm not really doing much. I want to talk. I don't really care what you text me about just talk to me. It may seem like my attitude comes off as being a jerk or bitch but in reality I'm thinking something completely different. I don't like to hurt people. Can't change the past though. If I could I would without a second thought.
And I don't think I'm playing indoor next session. Everytime I play I either can't breath or like last game my chest had this pounding pain. I'm still leaning towards playing though. I'm not sure if I'll be able to play soccer for harford in the fall either due to grades and credits. I would hate for things to work out that way so I'm really trying hard to be able to. We'll see what happens over the summer though.
And I don't think I'm playing indoor next session. Everytime I play I either can't breath or like last game my chest had this pounding pain. I'm still leaning towards playing though. I'm not sure if I'll be able to play soccer for harford in the fall either due to grades and credits. I would hate for things to work out that way so I'm really trying hard to be able to. We'll see what happens over the summer though.
Friday, May 1, 2009
After Saying Goodbye
I have met the funniest people in the world. Vivien is a riot. I hope I have her spirit when I get older. When I'm their age I hope me and my friends are just as funny. they play off of eachother. She is just cracking me up along with Mo and Rita. They are my favorite people. Finally I've met some decent people who are related to me.
Oh my gosh Craig's grandma is my best friend now. Her chicken and dumplings are the second best I have ever tasted next to Mema's.
I went to Seville last night too. We spent most of the night int he piano bar with Tori, Craig, Michael, Matt, and Kristie. After Matt and Kristie left the four of us went to the boom boom room which is the club area with the dance floor. We were on the balcony and Michael leans down (the musics so loud and he's insanely tall) and asks me if I want to dance. I say yes so the four of us head to the floor and he leaves to get another drinks. Craig starts backing up on me and then I feel someone grab me and I look around and see Michael pulling me towards him. So I danced with him till about 1:30. I smelled my clothes this morning and they were covered with the smell of smoke and a little beer from Michael spilling it on my back while dancing. His hands were up and it tipped over onto me. Glad my parents weren't up when I got home. He kept telling me the reception at the wedding was going to be awesome. I'm sure it will be. I might like him. I'm not sure yet. If he stopped smoking I'd like him a whole lot more. We'll see what happens over the next week. He said he was going to quit. I've heard that one before.
Oh my gosh Craig's grandma is my best friend now. Her chicken and dumplings are the second best I have ever tasted next to Mema's.
I went to Seville last night too. We spent most of the night int he piano bar with Tori, Craig, Michael, Matt, and Kristie. After Matt and Kristie left the four of us went to the boom boom room which is the club area with the dance floor. We were on the balcony and Michael leans down (the musics so loud and he's insanely tall) and asks me if I want to dance. I say yes so the four of us head to the floor and he leaves to get another drinks. Craig starts backing up on me and then I feel someone grab me and I look around and see Michael pulling me towards him. So I danced with him till about 1:30. I smelled my clothes this morning and they were covered with the smell of smoke and a little beer from Michael spilling it on my back while dancing. His hands were up and it tipped over onto me. Glad my parents weren't up when I got home. He kept telling me the reception at the wedding was going to be awesome. I'm sure it will be. I might like him. I'm not sure yet. If he stopped smoking I'd like him a whole lot more. We'll see what happens over the next week. He said he was going to quit. I've heard that one before.
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