Learning to dance in the rain.

Boys are such a pain. Why can't they all just be well behaved? I do believe there are genuinely good guys out there though. One's that don't have any intention of breaking your heart and truly want what's best for you no matter what they have to do to get it for you. Only two boys have ever had the ability to break my heart. I don't pride myself on this fact. I've just kept my guard up and always bowed out of relationships when they got complicated.

The first was Andy. I met him the first day of 9th grade and I fell head over heels for him. He was a huge dork and by dork I mean the kid that wore the darth vader shirt with cargo pants and actually did his homework in class right when we got it and got very close to a perfect score on the SAT's. I remember the day when he told me he had asked Rachel out and she said yes. I was sincerely happy for him but deep down I hated her. We were really close friends and there she was dating the guy that I was madly in love with but would never admit to it. Every time I hear Teardrops on my guitar I think of him. The song fits me perfectly. I was the best friend who got to hear about the dates and tell him the perfect ways to invite her to dances. I even taught him how to tell her he loved her in french because she loved France and Europe. They are still together and it's been about five years now. He will always hold a special place in my heart as the guy who broke it. If he hadn't chosen Rachel I would be a completely different person today.

The second is Jon. He has the capability of breaking my heart but hasn't. He's my longest relationship at 7 months and counting and by far the most serious one. He may make some stupid choices and act like a five year old sometimes but that's a male trait that you just have to accept. He's already given me my birthday gifts since he won't be here for it. He gave me gone with the wind on blue ray because it's my favorite movie and a large picture of us at his graduation made of tons of tiny pictures of us. It's really nice. It's not easy for me to say the way I feel but I've learned that the best way to be is fearless. What life if there's no risk? My mom may not like the idea of me getting engaged right now but she's pushing me further and further away. It will happen. Maybe not before he leaves in January but it will happen. The fact that he figured out my ring size makes me a little nervous as to how soon. Plus he's been talking to my mom and sister a lot more recently and I'm not allowed to read those texts and he just had lunch with my dad. A little suspicious. He's been whispering with Nicole too so I'm not sure what's happening. We'll see what happens I'm not expecting anything soon though.

Right now we're going through a rough patch though. We'll get through it I have no doubt. The storm is bad but I like rain. Without rain there would be no flowers. I'm just waiting till the calendar says May. I see it as a test to see if we can really handle each other at our worst and fighting. So far so good. If he can handle my wrath then he'll manage my other moods quite well.

I just realized I have less than one month left of being a teenager! I'm about to be 20 years old. I'm starting to feel a little old.